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talk show host:
and we’re back. alright becky,
before our handsome bachelors reveal themselves
you have one last question to ask before you decide to go on that big date.

becky:
ok. handsome bachelor number one.
on our first date, where would you take me and how
would you try to impress me?

bachelor 1 (jay-z):
so that’s a… that’s a good question ma.
this is what i would do to impress you.
well first of all, you know where i might take you?
i might take you over dame’s house.

becky:
oh, really?

bachelor 1:
cus my girl’s at the crib. and… then what i would do is…
i’d get you the finest drink, of course it’s gonna have ice in it.
and i don’t mean frozen water… huh, ya know!

becky:
that’s so sweet.

bachelor 1:
and uh… what else would i do to really…
i’d take you to rodeo drive, of course. of course.

becky:
i love rodeo.

bachelor 1:
ima take you to rodeo and show you all the beautiful stores
and what you could have if your record goes number one like mine haha.
that’s what i would do to… pretty impressive ain’t it?

becky:
ok, sounds like fun.
same question, handsome bachelor number two.

bachelor 2 (u-god from wu-tang?):
yo, to impwess you to take you out on a perfect womantic date,
my idea for that is… to pick you up in a wu mobile,
bwought to you by cwysler.

becky:
a wu mobile?

bachelor 2:
you know, the cowabowation, that we just came wit.
and den, i take you upstate,
to the amus-m-nt park, wu-tang amus-m-nt parks.

becky:
ooh, i love parks!

bachelor 2:
word, we wide all kinda wollercoasters and fewwis wheels.

becky:
mm, that’s my favorite!

bachelor 2:
eat all kinda cotton candy, popcorn and sh-t.
and den, to welax you, or you know, give you a beauty treatment,
i’ll take you down to the wu spa.
we got all the special manicuwists out there, you know, putting it down.

becky:
sounds good.

bachelor 2:
and to end all the night, you know, maybe we’ll have a womantic dinner.
order out some chinese food fwom wu delivewy. we dewiwer 24 hours a day.
word. just call us on the tewephone, hit me, or…
or you could hit me on the 2-way, or bwackbwewwy account.

becky:
wow! that maybe difficult to top!
what would you do handsome bachelor number three?

bachelor 3 (tim meadows as the ladies man):
yeah, listen. can you repeat that question again please?

becky:
oh, ok. you want me to repeat the question?
ok, on our first date, where would you take me and
how would you try to impress me?

bachelor 3:
that is a very good question. heh, you’re very charming.

becky:
thank you!

bachelor 3:
well, on the first date with me is… is very exciting.
i would, of course, take you wherever you wanted to go.
if the plans was up to me, i would take you… to uh… to nasa.

becky:
lovely!

bachelor 3:
what we would do is we would take a trip up that elevator
and we would go and look at the stars, and i will pack us a picnic basket.

becky:
sweet

bachelor 3:
and i would have us all kinds of… alcohol beverages.
i would whip out… that’s right… i would whip out a diamond necklace.
put it around you sweet, skinny neck.
and touch you in places that no doctor has ever discovered on you before.

becky:
wow

bachelor 3:
and then i would slowly caress your br–sts
work my way down to your… sweet lovin thighs, and then…

talk show host:
ok, time’s up.
we’ll find out your answer, becky, after this commercial break

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