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letra de genius on-line product catalog (a parody) - genius vre - george plant

the g*nius virtual reality environment
(beta version):

from the minds of elon musk and tom lehman comes the most advanced operating system environment ever created. g*nius today announces the virtual reality environment.

running g*nius-vre, you’ll have an entire universe of your own making. you’ll be able to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste it. you can create programs, imaginary data, networks, plants, animals, people, even entire planetary systems. no need for clumsy goggles; you interface by an eight pin connector, embedded at the base of the back of your neck and directly to your medulla oblongata. you simply think about the universe you desire and the g*nius-vre does the rest. minimum universe creation time is currently six days, using three 7th gen intel core processors, but intel has announced that will be reduced to just six seconds by the time of general release of the g*nius-vre, with their introduction of “the holy twelve” 7th gen apostle processors, one for each of the 12 realms.

naturally, efficient utilization of the g*nius-vre requires the user to possess a certain degree of emotional stability and intellectual sophistication. for example, making frequent calls on non-resident galaxies would lead to interminable delays in the execution of your program. however, intel, ibm, cisco systems, tesla and g*nius, through their mutually-owned subsidiary, the united states of america, are working on upgrades to support teleportation, thereby eliminating the overhead of inter-dimensional paging.

unfortunately, during beta, g*nius-vre users must stay within currently known laws of physics. also, in the extreme situation where you face termination while within the vre, your acceptance of your own mortality would lead to your actual death. g*nius disclaims all responsibility for your personal decisions and actions. we also strongly advise you to always travel in pairs.

g*nius member price: $30,000 + $5,000 on-site installation on the hardware you provide + $5,000 outpatient interface installation + $500 monthly software license renewal and support fee, beginning in month two. contact g*nius for hardware specifications. all purchases are by ach eft (no credit cards).

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- george plant

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