letra de craigslist - gabe goulart
[verse 1]
i caught craig sniffing glue at staples
tried to fax his soul to h-ll, but his wi-fi’s unstable
slapped craig so hard i grew a race
then revoked it like “nuh uh, back to paste”
craig watches hentai for the plot twist
cried when the left tentacle left, but i loved it!
craig flosses his p-b-s raw style
wears a leash to church, pastor called him a problem child
he wrote a song called “please don’t shoot”
so i shot the speaker with then p-ssed on the flute
craig’s dad wears fishnets, his mom wears bricks
they roleplay as the berlin wall during netflix
can’t, craig, f-ck you, craig
craig can’t spell “craig” without crying
every mirror he breaks is a file restraining without spying
[verse 2]
craig called a hotline just to moan
asmr voice said, “hang on, die alone”
craig got jumped by a choir mid-note
they sang “ave maria” while they slit his coat
craig got ghosted by chatgpt
ai said “nah he too weird for even for me”
his grandma’s built like a vending machine
put a quarter in, and crog popped out screaming
[bridge]
(craig): don’t you think you’re being a little too b-tchy? like sh-t the f-ck up
(gabe): i-i don’t think i am. am i doing too much? like
(craig): well yeah, motherf-cker
(gabe): awe sh-t. sor-sorry man
[verse 3]
craig got banned from every state except shame
changed his name to “useless” and still got flamed
tattooed “i’m valid” on his ass, it got infected
doctor laughed, called nurses, then neglected
craig tried to twerk then sprained his knees
said, “y’all like that?” then the dj screams
he tried onlyfans, got one sub, it was spam
even the bots said “nah, i ain’t touching that ham”
craig is a lifeless disease. a pyramid scheme and sadness
craig is the reason why microwaves scream
[outro]
craig wrote a poem, in comic sans
let me read it to you
“cup of p-ss, cup of p-ss, cup of p-ss, cup of p-ss, cup of p-ss, p-ss! (my dad is in jail for punching a nun)”
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