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letra de embankment - fred thomas

isn’t there a place to save all the beginnings?
everything erased?
try to find a way
a window in the rhythm
an hour beyond the day

do you remember the chemical smell
that hung in the air
the fall of the year you were here?
fumes from whatever they used
to disinfect the parking structures
smeared our vision into polaroid glimpses
made the city a toxic enclosure
summer had ended without any answers
and now these new weird little headaches
were accepted as part of our days
in a dangerous age without guides or examples
we breathed deeply
and watched while the atmosphere changed
you and i
lost in the embankments
hiding in the places overgrown
stitched to your side
never realized we had to find our ways alone
falling apart in the presence of angels
in a duplex with five other roommates
and a neighbor who dumped gas in our yard
geoff was my only friend to have left the table then
and my first understanding
of absence creating an incomprehensible sp-ce
i carried the still-fresh outline of his memory with me
as every new thing sprouted around it
a dichotomy of excitement and loss
i tried to reflect this as best i was able
in the way i understood
in the way i knew how to
i made you a tape with the same squarepusher song
on it four times, but not in a row
to mimic the way so much was haphazard
the abundance of magic in a fragmented flow
“a journey to reedham (7am mix)”
sometimes the whole thing, sometimes just a part
i remember this more than faces or people
an unchosen detail that hiccupped my heart
that song and your smile
were the only things i knew
that made me want to never die
in a time when life was just beginning
but death was never far from mind
you and i
feeling how a single element can alter everything
like a lingering stare
like a scent in the air
like someone who’s not there anymore

- fred thomas

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