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letra de determination (i am not a hero.) - floral tattoo

the snow’s falling harder than it did last year
and it’s dark and it’s windy out, can’t help but reminisce on that old winter
when everything came undone
h-rns on my head like some candy-assed devil
something inhuman or something that’s human, not quite
some kind of monster

tracing over faded battle scars gently, will i be doing this for the rest of my life?
dunno that we’ll ever stop
i’ve had to do plenty of things i’m not proud of to survive, i don’t think that i regret any of it
i was trapped in my own mind

i don’t write lovesongs so i’ll just write hatesongs
about all these big ugly feelings i keep close to my chest
used to think i had nothing to lose until everything that i loved fell out from underneath me
i felt nothing, but god we felt everything
splintered and fractured and broke up our hearts, our souls to shreds
clawed our way back out the world that we fell in two, together

in tears, at night all alone, stuck in a room in an apartment five stories up that never felt like a home, provided by lusus naturae who only cared to manipulate

and i think to myself oh i think to myself
this all could have been stopped
but i have been trained like a dog to wait for a savior who won’t come
i know now there are no heroes in our bleak world
the only illusion you sought to defend
is the only one that i could never fully comprehend
our family wasn’t, has never been, couldn’t and won’t ever be normal
and i think to myself oh i think to myself
and i never stop thinking oh my god it f-cking hurts
i’m constantly breaking, god it’s getting so loud in here
and i think to myself oh i think to myself
i’m so detached
and i didn’t know how bad it was until just now

i think i’m alright, i think i’ve got work to do
don’t ask me the questions you know that i don’t have the answers to
emotionally stunted, we’ve been made to run ’round in circles for you
from now on, we refuse to repeat this cycle of violence for you
i think i’ll be fine, i’m sorry if i’ve hurt you
i wasn’t quite sure of just what the h-ll that i was supposed to do
i’d been told my whole life that love worked in one way, one that totally led me astray and some of
the things that i had to do to survive just ended up hurting you
i’m so f-cked up!

no more heroes, i’ve no more heroes left to k!ll

- floral tattoo

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