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letra de dreams - ethan jewell

when i was 5, i wanted to be a star wars character
i would bounce around the walls and use the force to control all
yoda would visit me and i would smile at him and then we’d defeat the sith

see, i didn’t need anyone to play with because i was happy with myself
the lightsabers, imaginary wars, and pretend heroism

when i was 8, i wanted to be a soldier
so i wrote stories about great adventures fighting a war
and through my words, i soared high above burning landscapes
and kept my people safe
i mean, it didn’t matter who i was fighting as long
as i was fighting because that’s what a hero did
i wanted to be a hero, and i wanted to save everybody around me

when i was 11, i wanted to be a comedian
so i cracked jokes to pass the time and i wouldn’t ever rhyme
and i would force my parents to listen to the same jokes over
and over, and over, and over, and over until it was told just right
god i love them because they would laugh even after the thousandth time
and i would smile and hug them as my heart grew full from the sound of their chuckles
i mean, i just wanted to make them happy

when i was 14, i wanted to be a mountain biker
i wanted to zoom past hikers, discover new worlds, and find myself
i longed for dirt paths leading to nowhere
i yearned for a concrete jungle just waiting to be explored
i wished to be isolated in nature with nothing but the trees around me
and also with all of my friends
i mean, i wanted to find myself while searching the woods for answers

so i sit and i think to myself of everything i ever wanted to be
and how no matter what how i feel that i will never be happy with, with just being me
because now instead of wanting to be a hero
i desperately want someone to be a hero and save me from my own mind
and instead of wanting to defeat the sith
i want to defeat the darth vader that lives inside the anakin skywalker of my mind
and to replace my want to be a soldier is a want
to end my own mental country and use bullets to do so
and instead of wanting to tell jokes and make people laugh i just want them to hear me
but they can’t hear me over their laughter because i don’t know how to breathe
i don’t know how to sing, i wish i knew how to sing
because maybe if it sounded pretty they would hear me
maybe if it formed a melody they would hear my plea but they won’t

because now i want my mountain bike to crash
i don’t want to explore the dirt, i want to be buried in it
i still want to find myself but i want to find it my way
i don’t want them telling me, directing me, instructing me
pulling the corners of my mouth up in a crooked smile like
i’m a puppet and they’re the masters
i just want to find what i’m seeking after

because trust me, i still want to be a hero, and i still want to get the girl
i just want to be remembered and i want to be sure
that when i throw myself off this building like superman waiting to fly
that hopefully no one i love will shed too many tears and cry
because i just want to be a hero
i dream to be a hero and when i don’t grow up
i want to be a hero

- ethan jewell

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