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letra de roughly - eendachink

when i was 11
heard my father went to heaven
i ain’t know he wasn’t comin back

n then i turned 12
when i tried my first pill
nothing made me feel as good as that

when i turned 13
homie got his first beam
it was sick it had a drum attached
n a week went by
then i heard he got shot
he the reason why i started rap

14 i really fell in love wit writin words
music bleedin through my f-cking brain til it strike a nerve
at that point i was gettin high n writing rhymes
music what i love i was doin drugs to pass the time

n then i was 15 i sipped lean
sippin all that tris made my p-ss green
said f-ck high tech i bеt da big dreams
momma tried to drug test but shе ain ever catch me

i was almost 16 when i met her
i went cold turkey
every song i wrote turned into letters
anything to make her happy
i would try to do whatever
then id ask if she was ever feeling happy
she was never
wasn’t talking to my family or friends
all she asked
n it still wasn’t it enough
i was always f-cking up
all i wanted was to see her smile n try to make her laugh
man we shouldve broken up
at some point id given up

then i was 17
livin wit my trauma i felt safe inside my memories
numb my pain wit substances n its the worst its ever been
now im worried when i die that i can’t say i ever lived
but i wonder what death is like n i wonder where heaven is

n my self hate peaked at 18
i kept crying when i woke up cuz the sh-t that i would dream
but im lucky sumtimes id be up for days
my mom keep asking if her son gon be okay

but im not
i wonder when the pain is gonna stop
i ain’t special dis music sh-t is everything i got
they think that im over all the suicidal thoughts
the ending for me always been a self inflicted shot
cause i always wanna die momma
it got normal seein tears in yo eyes momma
everynight momma i can hear yu cry
n i think that sh-t did something to mind i can’t lie momma

- eendachink

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