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letra de how to never stop being sad - distorno

[verse]
first don’t let go force yourself to hold on
and deny all instances or possibilities of them being gone
convince yourself that it never ended and that you are still with them as happy as ever
as happy as you were when you had all those texts and conversations with them
find comfort in these lies, read messages from before she left
from before the signs of her drifting away even started showing
read those love messages and think back of the love conversations when you were truly in love
and question
was any of it even true?
then realize that it doesn’t matter and begin to go back in a deep state of mind
where you realize and believe they never left
find comfort in it
second start questioning yourself what was it that made them leave?
was it yourself? was it that they just couldn’t deal with everything that you said?
was it because everything you said always seemed like a lie even though it was the truth every single time
did she just simply lose feelings or find another guy?
-n-lyze the songs she listens to before she removes you completely off everything
-n-lyze what she says and overthink if its about you or not
cause somehow its always so similarly related to situations about you
including the lyrics of songs they listen to
third plan it out start writing things down
keep a journal close to you at all times
and a pen just to write things down whenever you have something to say that you can’t tell anybody else
keep doing this till you have the strength and courage you need for the final step
fourth begin hating yourself
overthink so much about her that you start overthinking about yourself
hating your looks, your voice, any slight presence of your existence in fact
if you can’t make yourself happy make others happy
cheer people up with advice and help them out even though you know truly its hypocritical
and all this advice is learnt from things you wish you were able to be told or warned before the pain kicked in harder
you felt this way your whole life but if somebody was able to tell you that earlier it could’ve maybe
fifth find less enjoyment in everything you’re doing in life
hide it from everybody
in fact pretend to be happy just so other people don’t have to hurt
after all even if you tried to tell anybody about your mental state they always assume its an attempt to manipulate or gaslight or to get pity
they’ve always done that they’ve done that for months even years
so why tell them now? bottle it up
sixth realize reality isn’t yours you feel as if you don’t exist so just pretend you don’t
dissociate from everything reality itself as if you were in virtual reality or a movie where you could just watch everything happen and have no control of- over anything
seventh cut everybody off get more distant from those you love and make it seem as if its for business purposes or something that won’t make them worry
in reality you just dont know what to do anymore and you’re tired of disappointing everybody so you cut them all of so you dont have to disappoint them anymore
eighth numb yourself find drugs find alcohol
find anything you can numb yourself artificially with
but remember this numbing won’t last forever
this numbing won’t last forever
think about it for a second if the numbing won’t last forever then, why stop?
grow an addiction for it as you continue to try stopping and failing become so obsessed with it that you want to take even more until you die
even if you overdose dont just stop then continue till you die
even if you get court ordered to go to aa meetings for the alcohol addiction dont stop yet continue doing this drinking and driving
maybe if you drink and drive enough you’ll die
who knows you might just hit a family of 4 or 5
and take some beautiful lives but that’s okay right? cause you’re too selfish to understand that people are hurting around you cause your own actions
but this is what you want isn’t it? numbness, sadness, you wanna be happy again but you give up so you’d rather fail willingly?
ninth judge yourself look at the person in the mirror think about how much you hate them and wish they would just die already while you gain a fit of rage and sadness from all the bottling it up you’ve done for a while now
all the pent up aggression and rage suppressing your feelings for the appeal to others
nothing can make you happy no matter how many hoes you have in your phone or how many times you flirt with someone else as if you’re searching for the one
nothing will ever work truth is she was the only one and you know this so why bother anymore? why not just try to go back?
oh simple because she can’t she doesn’t love you anymore she never will ever again no matter how many times you convince yourself it isn’t over you have no choice but to accept it
you don’t want to do you? well good f-cking luck your thoughts will k!ll you before any disease does
tenth give in, give up, regret, think, overthink
take time to look back on the memories as they continue to haunt you and all the things you could’ve changed
the times you wish you could go back to how it used to be
the “good old days” you used to call them
sit there and regret
finally plan it out you built the courage up long enough so
why not do it now? how will you do it though?
painful or painless? will it matter either way? you get what you want
you get the only solution you know of so act out on it
you have no choices n0body is around you n0body can save you
you’ve been alone for so long now who would try to save you either way
who cares right? take time you reflect even more
make your way to the bridge as you’re on your way there you feel a surge of tears rush down as all the memories hit you at one second
all those times you regretted what you said or how about those times where you felt like you f-cked up? or how about all those times you wish you could go back to? or how about continue thinking about all the memories that continue haunting you for the longest time
it’s your fault anyway after all you’re the one being haunted not me
why not just do it already?
eleventh finally you’re there at the bridge you can sit here and reflect this is what you needed a nice place to sit down and relax and just think
now that you’re here you get the urge to solve your problems
you’re tired of this you want to be numb but it won’t work
you can’t be happy no matter how hard you try every time you try to be happy it’s always temporary and ends eventually and you’re tired of it
slowly climb over the wall blocking the bridge side from the bottomless pit of life
look down think for a second is this it? is this how it ends?
you start reflecting again thinking maybe you can do something better and enjoy your life maybe you’re being too quick to decide these things after all these are serious topics how can you be so? so. so quick to assume
who gives a f-ck jump anyway and that’s what you do and that’s the end n0body realizes how truly sad you were because n0body ever believed you and n0body ever cared n0body loves you till your dead
in fact when you’re dead they’re all gonna pretend they were buddy buddy with you and pretend that it was perfect as if they didn’t f-ck up multiple times and hurt you more than they could ever imagine n0body loves you till your dead
your favorite person is only your favorite when their dead

- distorno

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