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letra de in lieu of a healthier coping mechanism - delikately

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oh
i took the scenic route to avoidance
mislabelled grief as apathy
i stayed long enough to realize
i wasn’t staying for you
just the version of me
who still thought you might change

mm rip to her, i guess

no, i’m not healed
i’m just really articulate at sounding like i’m not the hypocrite
just fluent in denial,but make it sound grown

i scrubbed the counter like i could undo the night
didn’t cry. didn’t text
just rearranged the knives
mm
this is just what happens when i run out of better habits

ah
didn’t need a reason. just somеthing
in lieu of a healthier coping mеchanism
i said nothing. i said this. same thing

oh
you always paused before saying you cared
like it had to be fact-checked
scripted my detachment in couplets of cynicism
didn’t spiral just paced with intent
didn’t vent just c…c’d my therapist
no, i’m not healed
i’m just really articulate at playing sane
it’s convincing, i know
oh

i redid the spice rack by frequency of use, not taste
didn’t cry. didn’t call
just kept my hands moving
thought about texting then rearranged the salt

ah
didn’t need a reason. just something
in lieu of a healthier coping mechanism

no, i didn’t miss you
i missed having the upper hand
hindsight in 4k
i just rewatched it on mute

told my therapist

“i’m processing.”
she asked, “how’s that going?”
i said, “depends on the playlist
and how much i’m pretending to sleep.”
i defrosted the freezer like i was making room for clarity
didn’t cry. didn’t call. just chipped away in silence

mm
this is what it looks like when i confuse order with progress

ah
didn’t call it coping. didn’t call it anything
in lieu of a healthier coping mechanism
i said nothing. i said this. same thing

mm no, i’m fine
i mean close enough

if i’m still not over it
well, art forgives what i won’t admit

- delikately

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