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letra de grown-up - david larbi

i am my father’s son
owner of one option at the age of 21
sum of all the lows that i’ve felt and the highs that i’ve dreamt
and the fears of the things i could become
sleep in my eyes, gotta drag myself to work
hours run by, each one a total of my worth
7.80 for an hour of my life
handing over with a willingness the only thing that’s mine, but it’s fine, there’s a
pit in my stomach, sour taste in my throat
smile on my mouth but that’s as far as it goes
kiss on the hand if i’m being polite and
i might kiss you on the cheek if you’re someone i like, it’s only right
if the question is what or how i’m doing
then the answer’s gonna be just fine, and never question the lie
some days it’s hard to reconcile
this is all there’s gonna be to this life for a while

because i’m terrified
and i’m paralysed
if i needed re-ssurance, would you tell a lie
if i showed you my next move, would you let me by
if i go before i wake will you tell them how i died
there was music in my ears that i never let them hear
for the fear it would never be enough
overwhelmed by all the things that i was always meant to be &
let slip when it was close enough to touch, this is too much

i am my mother’s son
fresh and optimistic at the age of 21
culmination of the places i’ve been and faces i’ve seen
and all the things i’m desperate to become
working out how the spot i’ve been given ain’t the best
but i’m doing what i can to get this weight up off my chest
i would skip this in a second if i had a magic wand
but they say it’s part and p-rs-l and i have to hold my tongue

cause i’m petrified
frozen in a lie
that i could stay like this forever and be satisfied
and i’m wishing time away just by counting down my days
if they don’t resuscitate, then you know what you should say
there was music in my ears that i never let them hear
for the fear it would never be enough
overwhelmed by all the things i was always meant to be &
let slip when it was close enough to touch, this is too much

i am this city’s son
highly blessed and favoured that i’m here at 21
lucky that the sports days, report days and when i missed a bus
were the only times i ever had to run
but i’m not the only son in this family
and every time i lose a sibling, man it rattles me
it shakes me to my core, cause we merit so much more
but the more i talk the less they’re understanding me
my heroes are the ones who put their head through the rope
cause they know what it takes to be the great black hope
the hatred for existing that they have to deflect
it can never be in vain because of what they represent
if my words h-t the ground and there’s n-body around
then my mind is at rest and the impact resounds
i wish on every star kind enough to come near
that i silence every voice that would lie to keep me here

there’s music in my soul, i have to let you know
and if i don’t, that’ll never be enough
i’m living for the things i was always meant to be
and holding on now they’re close enough to touch
there’s music in my ears that i have to let them hear
block the fear that i won’t be enough
living for the things i was always meant to be
and holding on now they’re close enough to touch, never too much

- david larbi

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