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letra de dane's christmas miracle - daneislife

[intro]
alright, lieutenant, what’s the meaning of this?
just one minute sir, i’m looking for a daneislife christmas song… ah, here it is
columbo, i warned you
yes you did, sir. and i want you to know that i didn’t think you wouldn’t let me, but i had no choice, sir. you see, i don’t think santa claus stole christmas. i think you arranged everything. i think you arranged the false kidnapping, the ransom note, the telephone call, i think you lured santa claus to the junkyard and i think you shot him

[verse]
yeah, you might find it preposterous but uh, christmas has been stolen
um, graveyard junkyard shooting turns into a graveyard looting
free timber on the coffin, some people would pay a pretty penny for that
yeah, so santa claus is dead
or so we think, maybe he’s a spirit
maybe he’ll live on in the afterlife somewhere, but um, for now we’re rolling with the fact that uh, he’s not around for us anymore
so, this is kind of his eulogy
who’s gonna run the workshop? who are the elves gonna look up to?
they’re all on their own right now
um, i don’t think they’ve even heard the news
i think ms. claus is just leading them on but uh
you know, santa’s not coming back, um
and they’re really gonna have to reach deep into their soul to find the motivation to keep building toys in time for christmas
cause who’s gonna deliver them?
that’s another logistics question, it’s gonna be so expensive for ups or the postal service to deliver these
are we gonna like, auction the rights off to amazon or something like that?
really makes me think
really makes me wish that this had never happened but this is the world we live in so
you know, in the mean time i’m just gonna bust into the north pole and run things myself
i figure no one else is doing it
who’s gonna do it, the president? is jeff bezos gonna do it with his bald head? no!
so this is just what i’m gonna do
these elves need someone to look up to with santa gone and i want that person to be someone trustworthy like me
now ignore the fact that i just called myself trustworthy, how could i trust myself to call myself trustworthy
that’s one thing i don’t understand, but…
hey elves, um, got some bad news
santa’s gone now i’m running this sh-t!
yeah buddy, you didn’t expect me to be a tyrant did you?
but i’m gonna be working these elves day in, day out
because with my lack of experience building toys, they need to pick up the slack
sigh… it’s just not the same
maybe i’ll protest, maybe i’ll like, really try and solve this crime myself
yeah, that sounds more like it
so who would’ve been with santa on his last day?
well, i know he had a scheduled business meeting with um, what’s his name?
a russian oligarch, right? maybe the russian oligarch did it
or maybe it was mrs. claus, i dunno
um, really i have no frame of reference to solving a crime
so what am i gonna do? i’m just a mediocre, um, detective at this point
maybe i’ll look around the environment
maybe he got lost in the snow
oh wait, we already know that he got shot in a junkyard, so
why would he have been in the junkyard in the first place, that’s what i wanna know
maybe he was getting his car off the lot, maybe it got impounded
um, maybe he parked his sleigh or his car, we dont know that, in front of a fire hydrant, and it got towed, and he had to get it out
you know, santa really is a child at heart, and-
who’s on my roof? there’s someone on my… roof
i hear… 12 reindeer? and a jolly.. man?
santa’s back.. he was never dead!

- daneislife

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