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letra de what if all of that is a distraction? - clinomaniac*

[intro]
there’s nothing that you— that you want, but you don’t have right now, is there, really?

[verse]
walked on the paved ground
grass was breathing as i looked around
sat down on the bench, fused with it
watchin’ people around do their business
all is calm, comfortable i see
my lens makin’ all this just a part of me
feeling part of something, and it gives me comfort just by sitting here watching the living breeze
livin’ cheap, scenery, it looks at me
mutual interest in nuance with me
everything is a mirror of inner peace
i look at myself when i look at the trees
me don’t exist, this all there is
we feel content, we flow and ebb
we can’t disconnect, we can’t hate our breath
we can’t k!ll our brethren, we can’t k!ll ourselves
that’s what i see, all these people meet
they’re making calls, the conversations sweet
conversation flows, we make up a fabric
chatter is white noise, united static
fade it into nothing, it’s everything
that’s what this all is, and my cloth fits in
melt into bench, i don’t wanna get up
gotta go home soon but i don’t give a f-ck
walkin’ through the park
there’s an unlit part of it that i gotta keep afar
it’s a shame, it looks interesting
shapes dance there but the dread leads me off
i gotta walk the path made for me
contort my shape, it’s still comfortable
sometimes, i wish i could leave the tube
but, outside, it’s freezing, don’t confront the cold
change what i see up, keep walkin’ forward
dark trails behind i keep moving toward
pull myself up on the cliff, it’s not my time to go
sink in the details, i’m tryna walk it slow
then i realize i’m walkin’ towards hope
it’s an ideal but shadows surely grow
everything starts to look bleak once again
i keel over the dark around me closes in, uh (what if all of that is a distraction?)

[verse]
none of it ends
what if the shapes in the shadows were sins?
all of the people that i walked past, what if they got news on the calls of a death?
walking home with my staggered lumber
notice people on streets, how long have they suffered?
i been walking past it stuck up in my bliss
while everything around me holds by a thread
what the f-ck is happening? my vision reels
emissions fill my lungs, will i die for real?
or is there life after this and after that?
both are horrifying, i cannot go back
it all fades to black
shapes make up the sp-ce just to be thrown back into a world of pain
even the mundane struggle became too much to process
done this sh-t so long, i forgot when it started
when i used it as a tool, i benefitted
the obsession into it was so vindictive
i cannot exist when i am barely livin’
almost home, i’ll pop another when i get in
i just hope i make it ’cause i feel my fainting
shadow of death looms over my three faces in the building
run to the elevator, hope it speeds up i can’t delay to later
run down the hall, what if it’s all in vain?
it piled so long, the pressure will crush my brain
neighbors hear the noise thinkin’ i’m insane
i gotta get my sanctuary, heal the pain
burst through the door, scramble to find the bag
hope leaves my body tryna find the stash
my legs get weaker as i realize that
the tab i popped today was my f-ckin’ last

- clinomaniac

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