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letra de stand up - circus of dead squirrels

have you seen all these wacky potato chip flavors they have now? mozzarella sticks, dill pickles, all this sh-t. if you want f-cking mozzarella sticks just buy mozzarella sticks. just buy what the f-ck you want. what are we that bored we gotta switch everything up constantly? we don’t have enough f-cking food in this godd-mn country, we gotta start playing games with it?

is it me, am i the assh0l-?

i’m all for paying people a living wage, i really am. but is it too much to ask of these cashiers that they could at least f-cking say h-llo to you, make eye contact with you. i know people breaking their f-cking ass, sweating their b-lls off making 15 dollars an hour. all you gotta do is throw a couple f-cking bananas in a bag. you think you could at least acknowledge my existence you little sh-t

is it me, am i the assh0l-?
i’m not mad enough for this world

have you ever seen these motorized f-cking shopping carts anywhere else except wal-mart? because i haven’t. what the f-ck do these people do when they have to go anywhere else? do you see people being f-cking carried around like they’re injured soldiers? hanging off f-cking people’s shoulders? somehow they can magically walk then. those f-cking carts are like a godd-mn magnet for people to be lazy pieces of sh-t
is it me, am i the assh0l-?
i’m not mad enough for this world

twelve dollars for a sandwich, no fries, nothing. you think to yourself what is there a f-cking celebrity chef back there? high school dropout walks out of the kitchen, scratching his nasty ass beard, f-cking tattoo of a c-ck on his hand. everybody wants a tip for every f-cking thing now. i drive all the way down to the restaurant, she thinks she should get a f-cking tip for giving you a plastic bag and a fork

is it me, am i the assh0l-?

i’m a little self-conscious about my body. and i went for a check-up, and i take off all my clothes. next thing you know the doctor starts throwing dollar bills at me. i say, “what the h-ll are you doing?” he says, “you got a nice pack of titties on you there honey.” i said, “yea, well go f-ck yourself.” he says, “yea, i’ll do that, right after i put my finger up your ass. isn’t that what you’re here for?”

i’m not crazy enough, dumb enough for this world
i’m not mad enough for this world

hey doc, i came here for an ear infection
it’s crazy. it’s insanity. it’s madness. it’s not good
hey thanks for calculating this f-cking gratuity for me on the receipt, but can i possibly get some service to go along with that? at this point can i just f-cking take it to go?

do you have to be a drug addict to work at dunkin’ donuts?
hey dipsh-t, you want to stop flirting with the cashier for a second and make sure all those cold items are bagged together. i don’t feel like doing a f-cking scavenger hunt when i get home
you trying to check my prostate or the back of my throat?

you guys want the mozzarella sticks that taste like potato chips or the potato chips that taste like mozzarella sticks?

- circus of dead squirrels

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