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letra de blackout - chvse

yeah
i was a nice kid
grew up with a family and like them
always had some food on my plate and a place to bite in
but all a sudden it’s like a switch flipped
inside my head tellin’ me i don’t deserve sh-t
man i would wake up, and then i perch into the mirror
pick apart the imperfections on the person who’d appear
’cause i don’t love myself or the way that i looked
i was a little fat and hated all that weight on my foot
all that weight on my shoulders. everyday just depressed
everyday gettin’ older and everyday feelin’ less
my homie’s like “i can tell you got some sh-t on your chest
my mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress.”
and i’m like “ight.” we walked to his crib and we stole the bottle
i started feelin’ nervous but drank it then felt hollow
he dapped me up and said “my mom’s about to be back
but there’s some more inside the liquor cabinet we can drink tomorrow”
i’m like “yeah, yeah homie. don’t worry it’s cool
i gotta go to bed early so i wake up for school
but after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze.”
then boom, i blacked out, i didn’t wake up til’ noon
alarm ringing the bell, my mom’s ringing my cell
she’s p-ssed off ’cause she heard that i’ve been drinking myself
but she don’t understand that deep inside i’m drinking for help
i said “f-ck it, i’m leaving. i don’t need you to yell”
i packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends
couple months have went by and still the buzzin’ won’t end
i think i’m more sad now then i ever have been
i need some stronger medication, so i called up a friend
i said “listen homie, all that drinking sh-t ain’t working man
give me something else.” he like “chill i got the percocets
i’m getting more tomorrow. if you like it, you can buy them next.”
i said “deal.” met in person then i tried the sh-t
within the hour i’m loving the new thrill
hit my friend back and said “could you cut me a new deal?
i need all of the blue pills the sh-t is just too ill.”
i’m confused ’cause his mood was prudent and too thrilled
he was happy, that i been strugglin’ loss
’cause he knew that in the end and it could double his guap
where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop
but i still bought all of his product when we linked at the spot
so fast forward a few weeks, i’m addicted to drugs
somehow my momma found out and pulled me back from the thugs
moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love
but i was numb and only interested in gettin’ a buzz
and it’s f-cked up, ’cause she was only tryna be nice
i didn’t listen. sh-t, i left and i stayed out for the night
man i went clubbin’ with my homies that were down for the lines
then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies
sh-t i woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door
then these voices started talkin’, sh-t i heard ’em before
i couldn’t put my finger on it so i had to explore
but on the table was the bottle that i left in my drawer
sh-t
my mom found it, turned around to see the family
they all lookin’ down at me and they ain’t lookin’ happily
that’s when i realized what the f-ck this is
y’all are here to try to take away my substances
my mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop
she looked at me and said “chase, this has to stop.”
i lashed out and said “it stops when i decide it will.”
i grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills
and i ran up to my room
grabbed the gun that i had hidden and a couple of blues
crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots
and put the clip inside the gun load it back and then

i see my family walking up to me
i wish that i could say i’m sorry for this f-ckery
i never meant to hurt you
but i was hurt and had to f-cking leave
it’s almost like they heard me f-cking say it cause they hugging me
oh mama you can’t shake me awake
stop trying, i’m gone let it enter your brain
your hearts gonna break, had every f-cking thought on my face
but let you learn from my lesson so you don’t make the mistake
just tell my story and let them know that i’m sorry
i used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me
and sh-t i’m scared
save me mom, i’m p-ssing away
i wish i didn’t put that bullet through the back of my brain

- chvse

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