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letra de vacant chair - careful gaze

you are the wick of a candle, finally burning out and resting in wax pools
your daydreams consist of chandeliers‚ hanging from the ceiling in your school
you are convinced that no one will care that your seat’s vacant‚ or bother to ask “why”
you will be two missed calls and an apologetic voicemail on the day you die
your father doesn’t call you on your birthday because you stopped making him proud
there’s something about your mental diagnosis that made him stop reaching out
this rope is made of woven words that hurt you‚ and leave you in a haze
the gallows are the loved ones that have told you “this is just a phase”
as your lungs deplete of oxygen you will tell yourself “this is a mistake”
you will beg the ones that care for you to hold you up and take the rope away

listen-

this is your community. no communion or holy words spoken through cracked lips can stop your family’s weeping if you do this
you are like water spilled from our hands – dribbling a little at a time into the crevices in which your mother planted all of your favorite flowers
you were dying, just like those perennials, and every night of self harm was a petal dropping down‚ quiet upon impact but resounding with a warning almost no one could understand
suicide is a language for which there is no translation – forgive us and give us patience as we fumble through sentences with you, grasping for clarity
you mother will grasp for it for years if her greatest creation destroys itself. she will sit in your bedroom and search memories for times she could’ve seen those petals falling
there are parts of you spilled out across the world already. do not spill your soul onto these walls, because there are millions of better times and places for expiration than this
tell us what you need. we are clasping our fingers together in an effort to retain what is left of you. we will sit for hours and talk of solutions or sit silent with you in a room‚ pondering the weight of simply being alive
you will consider this as a final expression for as long as you exist – but just because you learned a new word doesn’t mean you have to use it. we will invent new languages together without blood or dissension. it will take years be fully established
do not let your place go vacant. do not let that heart go silent. there is a single petal that hasn’t fallen yet, and we will be d-mned if it is not the most vibrant

is it too late for me to get help
i want out of this

it’s not too late for me to get help
i’ll get out of this

take the rope away

- careful gaze

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