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letra de the varieties of sexual experience - benjie messer

heteros-xual couples, heteros-xual couples
they’re doing fine with the party line
that a woman and man is the master plan
and sp-wning’s effectual in non-intellectual
heteros-xual couples

lesbian lady couples, lesbian lady couples
well, i get kinda jealous that they don’t want no fellas
but there’s no use in trying to argue with a v-g-n-
so don’t be afraidy of sadie and katie
they’re a lesbian lady couplе

g-y male couples, g-y male couplеs
there’s so much stigma about so much sm-gm-
if you’re out of the closet, please watch out for laws that say
you’re going to jail, or even to h-ll
‘cause you’re a g-y male couple

polyamorous groups, polyamorous groups
if talk of monogamy puts you in agony
and you’ve got all your lovers down under the covers
and you’re spreading your soups with the troops
then whoops! you’ve got a polyamorous group

casual blindfold orgy, oh the blindfold orgy
i felt a finger but i couldn’t see a thing, er, well
it could have been my mom, or my best friend tom
i was left in the cold, but i guess i’m still sold
on the blindfold orgy
how ‘bout the jack off artist, great jack off artist?
if you’re a loner and you’ve got a b-n-r
then it’s most efficient to be self-sufficient
oh, you won’t feel a lack all alone in the sack
if you’re a jack off artist

—- instrumental break —-

truly celibate monks, truly celibate monks
they say you never get bored when you’re serving the lord
but it’s still pretty rare to get by just on prayer
and some of them flunk, but it’s not just junk
there are truly celibate monks

p-rnographic entertainment, like this song
p-rnographic entertainment, like this song!
it gets you erected when you’ve been neglected
but then you feel dejected when you least expect it
you can’t get elected if you don’t reject it
so you say we should inspect it, but don’t you collect it?
if your wife detects it, does she disconnect it?
oh, does she select it? well, i stand corrected!
have you ever checked it and seen yourself reflected
in fantasies projected, keeping you protected
from the unexpected or your life dissected?
sure, it’s misdirected, but at least you’re not infected by
p-rnographic entertainment, like this song

- benjie messer

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