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letra de ode to the loneliness within (stay hidden) - aswed أسود

i recently found out that one might feel
a slight, quite literal pain in the chest
whenever he’s feeling too lonely
no one warned me about it
i learned it the hard way
you could say

please stay inside or behind me
stay hidden
stay hidden inside my chest
or my heart, or my b-lls
or wherever you usually are

don’t try to do any funny business
don’t move too much
don’t try to f-ck up my system
don’t try to dull the craft

don’t make me check up on people
i know they wouldn’t chеck up on me
just to have someonе to talk to
don’t make me text people
i usually don’t text
don’t make me listen to
how they spent their day
or week or life
just to feel relieved that someone
would trust me with their trivial bullsh-t
such a waste of breath and time
don’t make me change the way
i write the songs or the poems
don’t get in my way
i don’t know which way i’m going
but don’t get in my way

i can’t even get something interesting out of you
you’re just a dull, sterile pain
i can’t even play it cool
while having you beside or inside me

please leave everything the way you found it
don’t touch anything
you already changed the way i drink my coffee
so let’s keep it at that
even though i sometimes miss sugar

i recently figured out why i was always
the slowest at moving on from people
apparently, i can’t seem to move on from them
because they represent my inability to be loved
they represent and remind me
how easy i am to replace
how easy i am to forget
and as you might obviously guess
i can’t move on from this, yet
but it’s a work in progress
i’m starting to get used to it
i’m starting to understand
that it’s probably something innate
that it maybe has something to do
with my bloodline
but it’s okay
it’s fine

stay hidden
don’t show up in my work
don’t show up in my songs
don’t show up in my prose
stay hidden
don’t show up in my voice
stay hidden

- aswed أسود

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