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letra de treading water - amity

i start my day with a sigh/
like it’s already too late to take it in stride/
i give it up before i give it a chance/
i quit in advance before i even say my goodbyes/
there’s a grey cloud hanging over my head/
that i can’t break so i stay at home in my bed/
i get lazy and my mind goes where n0body treks/
i’m going crazy with every day i hope to forget/
i’m so tired when i write this sh-t/
sick of trying to find the right rhymes to fit/
when is it my time to win? i’d like to think/
i’m stronger than i admit and fighting fit/
it eats away at my brain and my faith decays/
until i fade to a place where i waste away/
i could take to my veins with a razorblade/
but i refrain for the sake of remaining sane/
is it putting myself down or suicide?
either booking myself out or doing time/
i should be looking for help now but who am i/
to reach out? full of this self-doubt in losing fights/
i’m not in a safe state to be left alone in/
with an insufficient supply of serotonin/
i need prescription drugs just to get me going/
my head’s imploding so just tell me when it’s over/
i’ve said too much with a single sentence/
hence my depression is back with a vengeance/
i’m a bit of misery mixed with misdirection/
my reflection detects every imperfection/
leave it to me to be low, i’m not a proper man/
because you’re always a foot above and that’s the problem, man/
i never think i’m good enough, i get to the promiseland/
and everything is looking up, except me
i feel like i’m treading water, i’m just trying to keep afloat/
trying to keep my head supported but it’s like a leaky boat/
i know it ain’t getting warmer and i might just freeze below/
i hope i’m not dead before the night but i don’t even know

the skull can be a cell for the mind/
with welling eyes mulling over the h-ll that’s inside/
i know i seem dull but i’ll tell you in time/
there’s a hole in the hull and the swells of the tide/
are sweeping me out to sea, keeping me down, i need/
to breach for air to breathe, leave me to drown beneath/
the surface, i’m not worth retrieving, i’m bound to freeze/
or maybe i’m dreaming and sound asleep/
i admit i’ve developed a level of anxiety/
that envelops me from all of the pressures of society/
all of the voices in my head are in a rivalry/
against each other, fighting with the devil that’s inside of me/
i try but i can’t switch my brain off/
so these words are the calm in the chaos/
but it’s wired to go into overdrive every night/
until my alarm hits the breakers/
i put music on to keep me distracted/
from reality so i don’t even need to imagine/
i can’t sleep because of every creak in the mattress/
i get one step ahead then it’s three of them backwards/
i can’t speak, i can’t eat, i can’t breathe/
and the suspense intensifies every time my heart beats/
arms reaching out, i’m in need of a friend/
a reason just to try and justify the means to an end/
i don’t mean to come across like i’m being rude/
but confidence is the biggest difference between me and you/
and i still get up on that stage and i see it through/
the lesson is that i possess a strength i never even knew/
i’m not a hundred percent but i’m getting there/
i feel like i don’t fit in anywhere but i’ll find my feet/
even if it means trying every pair/
just so i have fresh eyes when i climb this set of stairs
i know we’re all treading water, we’re just trying to keep afloat/
trying to keep our heads supported, drift inside the breeze that blows/
i know that it’s getting warmer and think i can see the coast/
likely to be there before the night, that’s right, i’ll be at home

- amity

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