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letra de often, i am my own worst enemy - echo alexander

i used to be something, someone that people looked up to
now i’m struggling to remember to take my d-mn psych meds
not only have i fallen off, i’ve hit the floor and stayed put
i don’t wanna move a f-cking muscle everything hurts and everything stings

what d-mn reason do i have to continue living this life
i’ve tried suicide several times and never was able to complete it
i can’t be happy i can’t be depressed my mind plays tricks on me
i’m living a lie that can’t be exchanged for a new one

my love life is non-existent, i watch my classmates have kids
viewing my past crushes get married and smiling all around
i know why! i have no self esteem no self care and no self worth
but i think, who would want a fat f-ck like myself in their arms

i drink for the pain to go away, but the thoughts never leave
telling me over and over that everyone’s out to get me
maybe i’m schizo i don’t know but anyways i feel hated
these pills i take try to help but they will never cure all my pain

[instrumental]

i don’t self harm in your usual aspects but i do in other ways
like drinking, smoking, snorting, and any ways you can think
i swear guys i’m just self-medicating i swear it’s not addiction
in reality it’s nothing but that and i’ve been afraid to admit
i’m just coping with how my life has turned out all to sh-t
honestly i don’t even want to wake up to the sun no more
each breath i take is another second i wish didn’t pass
i feel sometimes i’m living here just out of spite to myself

i wish you people would hear what goes on inside of my head
constant screaming all from the halls and even up so close to me
the shadows tend to scare me where i cover myself at night
i’m afraid of my paralysis demon coming to harm me

nothing i say is a lie, and sometimes i wish it was
sometimes the only thing i fear is me,myself,and i
should i just f-cking do it, should i end all the pain
i don’t deserve any of you, i don’t deserve to stay alive

- echo alexander

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